Follow Your Star

Many hold people and things into our lives for the feeling of acceptance, we look to celebrities, politicians, role models, acquiring material possessions, having a societies deemed norms, etc., as the path in defining ourselves being wrong or right.

However, this thinking can be flawed, for no one person is perfect, because mostly the people we follow are either hiding their flaws, paying them off, or placing their inadequacies in other directions.

  • Most celebrities don’t have the same problem as everyday people
    • Most of us work 9 to 5 jobs
    • Do not have 15 personal assistance to do our every bidding
    • Unlimited funds to covering up secrets
  • Most role models are human and have flaws like we all do
  • Acquiring  the “Jones” lifestyle will not make you more friends, but more enemies and fake-ness
    • “Mo Money Mo Problems”

I never liked the book by Steve Harvey.

Goes to show that a man with anti-intellectual, homophobic, gender-normative, etc., can be so revered. Now before those who love him go into a frenzy; watch the CNN news clip he did. I don’t know about you, but a person who judges people negatively because they don’t follow the ways one deems right and insults them, is an ignorant, self loathing person. We were not put on this earth to be insulted for following someone else’s dictation of how life should be. It’s funny how his book became so relevant written by a man who does not follow that of a honest/good man.

But I digress in my point because this has been a long going fight that has been happening for years, on how we place power in majority of those that don’t deserve it.

Women today already know majority of the information that was placed in that book. I believe a few known truths are:

  • Men need to feel like they are providing to the “family” to feel secure
  • A Man will show you how they feel about you; women just need to listen to the actions
  • Act the way you want to be represented.
    • Like the song says: do not expect to act like a nickle and have the treatment of a dime

Long story short a woman should know her worth, her value and her expectations on treatment. Once a woman understands these three things the experiences that come to pass are more enlightening than the limitations. Same as for a man, but there are rarely books ever popularized by ways to treat/catch/keep a man.

My underlying point which I will speak about more later(relationships) is despite the books, the lectures, the blogs or the lessons. Be yourself, accept yourself and know what you will accept in return. For if you deviate from either of these things, the acceptance and happiness in the people you accept in your life will be gravely lessened in experience.

Hakuna Matata


Some can say, that’s the saying from a Disney movie. I like to think of it as using the beauty of another language to describe a common phrase.

Hakuna Matata = literally means “No Matter”, but the song states “No Worries”. Technically, they both mean the same thing, but I appreciate the literal meaning.

Such as:

No matter what happens in your life the best outcome will come to pass. It may not happen right away, but it will happen. One can work to plan for the road ahead, but one cannot dictate what the road will entail. I also believe that if you hurt people maliciously, cause pain or harm intentionally that your “best” outcome will come to pass. (With  a play on words with the word “Best”).

I believe if you hold onto your faith, truly believe in your blessings, and never waver then there is no need to worry on what tomorrow will bring. For no matter what comes to pass, no matter what happens along the journey, the best outcome will come to fruition for you.

Sadly, in my case, I have had many worries and many fears, many doubts and many tribulations. But worrying about them, stressing over them did me no justice. The worry just compounded the anxiety and fear of what I had no clue would actually happen. There is only so much you can prepare for that you need to just let go and breathe.

In this case I think of a gem:

A diamond is formed by a simple mineral, carbon.  However, not all carbon turns into a diamond. Only when the carbon survives intense heat and pressure does it becomes the most affluent and appreciated elements. This is what happens to us. When we go through life’s pressure and hardship and are still standing, do we come out shinning: stronger and more beautiful/handsome.

Now granted I used to endure this affliction ten fold. I was a horrible worrier to the point where it would debilitate me and I couldn’t move or think. I would lay in bed, analyze, re-analyze, close my eyes, or just stay still. This did me no good, provided no positive outcome, just magnified pain.  I still fall short at this for time to time and worry, stress and agonize; but I have learned when that annoying voice comes into my head, the more times I tell it to quiet, or perform a productive tasks, the more I have suppressed it from happening again.

We cannot stop the feeling of anxiety and worry, but we can quiet the negativity for good.  For the alternative is, if we spend our life worrying, we will not be able to enjoy the good times we have in this life or for our future. We will spend unnecessary time thinking about what can go wrong instead of focusing on what can and did go right. In addition, worry is not showing or allowing faith or good to come into your life.

What you think is what comes to be, so think about all the abundance in this life, all the positive points in this life and you will be surprised at the journey. Besides what could it hurt. 🙂
Do not worry about the past nor future; smile at the gift you have today (called the present). Be appreciative of the things you have and you will be surprised at the additional blessings that will come your way. Remove the negative people, things, and time and replace them with only positive.

Rejoice in today, not the faults that could happen tomorrow.





Your Story (No one else)


In this life I have come across many different types of people:

  • The selfish
  • The giving
  • The neutral
  • The ignorant

Yes, there are variations of some and sometimes there are combinations.

As I have seen, when we are kids we are innocent to the existence a life provides (meaning I know that there are loving people out there who had rough starts than others), but as we get older we start to realize that the cartoons and the storybooks that we came across as children aren’t as realistic as we once imaged life would be. There is no fairy god mother to grant your every wish, the magical animals that come to our rescue, nor the pretty dresses that brighten the day to have us dancing around or the mighty swords to save the day from all the wicked that is about.

As we become adults we realize the concept of needing money, the concept of suffering, and the concept of hunger (money, lust, vanity, etc.). The items that were prevalent to us as children in the form of the big bad wolf, the evil witch or the cruel knight. These things would come into the story, darken the day and sadden everyone that came in its wake. In these stories it doesn’t say how these villains became this way. Was it the need for revenge, the struggle with conquering poverty at any cost or never being accepted. We as the real world will never know. What we do know is there are the people in our lives who can create a negative outcome if we allow it.

My aunt in France once played me a song each time I got into the car when I would visit her . She asked me which one was I.  The song she would play was:

Eurythmics – Sweet Dreams

“Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused”

As a youth I never looked into these words that hard. It was a nice beat and catchy. But as I am older I look back at these words and realize how intelligent she was when she asked me this simple question from this simple song. We all have a choice to define our destiny; to become the villain or the hero. Had anyone else caught this question in listening to this simple song? I look at my life now: past and present and I look at the small exclusive circle of people I have in it. I removed many people from my past because they cost me a pain or grievance more than I was willing to “pay” (pay can be thought of as: time, energy, money, and/or well-being).

I made that choice to remove the extra negativity. Each person I have in my life now still cost me a certain amount, but that debt I can pay. Yes, there are a VERY rare few that are kind to me without any cost. Those that say hello, those that check in or listen to me rant for no other reason, but to show they care (and I know I can rant because I have had many “gifts”). These people in my life are priceless and are the magic in my fairy tale. 🙂

I see and hear how people spend so much energy complaining about the wrong doing that others have done to them and I shake my head. Maybe I realized early on that you can’t expect people to be like you. So why do we spend so much time caring that someone did us wrong. Their hate and wrong doing is a cost that you shouldn’t have to pay. If you took the time and thought about all the anger and hate people rehashed all that energy has been wasted. Instead you could have learned a new language, a new trade, found a more worthy friend, or learned a new dance.

I am not saying don’t feel the hurt, nor am I saying don’t grieve for the loss. My intent is to not have you dwell on the negative and accept the positive that has now prevailed. Even if it was something that wasn’t expected. For everything has a reason even if the answer has not come to fruition just yet.

We should laugh at the people and things that did us wrong and thank them for no longer requiring a cost. Again, I am not saying forget or grieve, please do not misinterpret my words. I merely state to not dwell on the hurt that comes to pass. For that is the past, the present and future has so much joy the pain will PASS.

Do not allow people who did wrong to be glorified for the wrong, whether they cheated, lied, or disrespected; it’s not your battle. Feel bad for a day, but tomorrow forgive and do better than yesterday. Be glad for the lesson you learned, spend time on those things that matter for they are what cause happiness and success.





Lost in Thought


The thoughts that linger in one’s mind

Sometimes when I think too hard (which) is more than I wish. I get lost in thought:

  • Did I make a wrong decision
  • Should I have went another direction
  • Why is “___” this bothering me (still)

I go over many items over and over in my mind. Should I not have said those words, should I not have cut that person off so soon, what would happen if I had taken these steps instead of another. I’d spend hours, sometimes days, several ice cream tubs, wine bottles; bags of even oreos and gummi bears stressing.

But when I stopped stressing when I stopped over thinking and just let go, accept my actions, accept my steps. Especially, in knowing that I did not cause anyone intentional malicious harm. I breathed and let it go.  That I did what I thought was best at the time. Whether it be wrong or right. And I would be surprised how everything would eventually come into place.How a lesson was learned or another door would open, etc.,. Que Sera, Sera; What will be will be. Or in today’s generation “It Is What It Is”. (I’m old school at heart).

Yes, even time to time I still question and analyze on why thing were/are. However, I ask my self as fleeting as this life is (only yesterday I was 9 years old, begging my mom for a new barbie doll) fast forward several decades later thinking to myself how time flies. Taking this into consideration, I breathe again and thing to myself I cannot be on my last time on this earth thinking about the stuff I didn’t do right, what I could’ve done better, but to live, to learn, to laugh and to love, but most of all to accept.

Accept the fact that I am me, there will never be a copy (maybe a variation), but never a true copy. So my lessons on this journey we call life is to enjoy the steps, that some how the things that are meant to be will correct themselves and the things that were never meant to happen will fade into HER(his)-story.





Birds of a Feather


It is said that “Birds of a Feather Flock Together“; also known as “people of the same sort or with the same tastes and interests will be found together.”

However, in reality this is only the surface layer. Your true friend will not always like all the same things you do or have the same taste or interest. Sometimes your friends will have differences in opinion or interest. That’s the beauty of life, if you think about it.  The many differences that tie us together are better than the similarities that bring us together.

But there is a huge downfall in society today. We do not accept our friends for who they are; most of us put up a facade in fear of being known for our true selves. We stay silent when another friend is being treated wrong or even verbal/physical disrespect a friend with no bases. Now we all make mistakes in life, and we are only human, but for what price do we apologize or find what we did as wrong, our egos.

Sadly, some of us accept friendships based on what someone can offer us that is tangible. Then we turn around and wonder why the friends we have are not as substantial as we thought. Reminiscent of a Salt & Pepper song.

Then we look at reality shows and for some it’s like looking in a mirror:

  • Friends insulting friends behind their backs
  • Looking out to get something in return
  • Not having each others backs
  • Not truly caring for someone else’s concern, but your own
  • Speaking ill will of someone; when you yourself had done the same

But these can be known commonly as the surface birds. Those that are not true friends. For sometimes what you are is what you attract as well as a lesson to know better and change.

So the question is, are you a beautiful person. Are you a true friend. Do you have compassion and love for someone outside of yourself (besides family). Have you accepted yourself for who you are, all your faults and shortcomings and not afraid to let people know the truth.

If not, why not? What would it hurt to be a true friend, if karma is so true would it be a bad thing to do unto others as you want done to yourself. Is Michael Jackson’s song Man in the Mirror so wrong. To finally have people in your life that love you for you, that accept you for yourself as well as are there for you when you need them.

In life the goal is to truly love yourself. Love yourself enough to accept the right people in your life and say no to the wrong ones. Love yourself to know your worth and your value. That way those that are unable to afford your beauty (male or female) will only stay for a season. For as we all have notice when we hold onto the wrong people (or things) they will cause pain until we have no choice to let go. Love yourself and others will follow.


Life’s Little Gifts


The common saying is “Life’s Little Surprises”, but I like to think of them as gifts. Every change or chance that occurs in our life is a gift a lesson to do better, to try things another way or test our inner strength.

They say the number 3 is a powerful number:

  • Things come in three
  • The power of three
  • The biblical three

As random as it sounds, I use this example to state the first bullet point that it is a known statement that “things come to pass in threes”. However, why is this the case, why can’t one incident determine our strength. Is one point to determine our luck, the second point to reinstate our thoughts and the third point to test our strength. However, you arrange point one and two it all remains the same: there are three strong gifts to test our will, to change our outlook on life and to determine our next path in life.

For example and this might be a stretch, but bear with me; as this is my first blog to iterate my thoughts to the world:

You constantly date the same type of person (male or female). You tell yourself why do I keep dating the same type of person, why do I attract “___” type of people (You fill in anything).

Then three things happen in your life that seem like tragedies. Now call me the optimist, but I have had so many “three” things that I had no choice to call them tragedies at the time. It did not help to think “glass half empty”, or simply “glass with water”.

I came to the conclusion of thinking, “why me” and then realizing it happens to all of us. The only difference is that the gift we all experiences are exclusive in nature. Not one of us is singled out, but different paths to learn in our journey. That these gifts teach us to be stronger, more vocal, more sympathetic, more aggressive, more humble, or whatever your benefit may entail.

So yes, some of you may say I have analyzed this to death, but with the lessons I have learned. Simply, what does it hurt to start thinking of things in life with a more positive twist. To realize that the sad things that happen as lessons are gifts. Gifts that teach us to be better, to be appreciative more, to learn the value of ourselves in losing the same battles and embracing the “lesson” we are suppose to learn.